Tag Archives: sleeping

Beds are for sleeping


Lisa: “Mike?”
Mike: “What?”
Lisa: “Are you sleepy?”
Mike: “Yes.”
Lisa: “Why do you get sleepy within two minutes of lying down?”
Mike: “Because it’s late, and it’s dark, and I’m normal. The better question would be why don’t you??”

[A minute later]

Lisa: “Mike?”
Mike: “What?”
Lisa: “Do you think Jesus ever had a toothache?”
Mike: “Why?”
Lisa: “I was just wondering.”
Mike: “Yes, I think he did.”

[A minute later]

Lisa: “Mike?”
Mike: “What?”
Lisa: “Are you going to tell me a story?”
Mike: “Repeat after me, beds are for sleeping, not stories. Beds are for sleeping, not stories. Beds are for SLEEPING. Not STORIES.”

Cold feet

It’s cold. Lisa jumps into bed and squirrels over to Mike’s side.

Mike (moving backwards, trying to escape): “What are you doing?”
Lisa (sweetly, very sweetly): “I just want to be close to you. I can’t go to sleep without cuddles.”
Mike: “That’s not what you want, you want…”
(Lisa makes contact with her target)
Mike: “AH! Your feet are icicles! You’re a heat sucking parasite!”
Lisa (hugging tighter, lest he escape): “But I just loooooove you. That’s all. I just want to be close to you.”
Mike: “Awww, could you be just a bit more pathetic when you say that next time? That’d be great.”
Lisa (abandoning sweetness): “Oh, you’re fine, stop complaining. You wake up hot and sweaty at midnight every night. You have plenty of heat to spare.”
Mike: “Not right now I don’t! It’s not midnight yet, is it? Fine. If you have to lie here at least lie still and stop slithering around so it doesn’t feel like small, cold animals are running up and down my legs.”
Lisa: “You don’t seem to mind small, cold animals when you’re scuba diving.”
Mike: “Well the fish don’t touch me now, do they?”


Lisa and Mike are getting dressed one morning.

Mike: “Did I snore last night?”
Lisa: “Nope.”
Mike (excited): “Did I even move?”
Lisa: “Nope.”
Mike (smiling broadly): “It’s mornings like this when I think I’m perfect.”
Lisa: “That’s good. It’s nice you can have those mornings once every couple of months.”