Terrible mother

Last night as we got into bed:

Me: “I’ve been reading a couple of pregnancy books, and a lot of them talk about women crying over diaper commercials, and not being able to think about anything but the baby, and totally freaking out right around this stage about whether or not they’ll be a good mother.”

Mike: “Are you worried about that?”

Me: “No! I mean, the baby’s six months away. That’s ages. Why would I worry about that now? I have too much other stuff to do. Who has time to worry about the baby six months before it’s due?”

Mike (carefully): “Well, past experience suggests that you’re not always the world’s fastest processor. So I’m just saying that if you start to worry about that next week, or next month, that’s OK. I’ll tell you now that you’re absolutely not going to be a terrible mother.”

This morning, after Mike had delivered tea and fruit to me in bed, and was getting dressed for work:

Me: “I had a dream last night that we had the baby, and then I went out to dinner with my parents. And my Dad asked halfway through dinner where the baby was, and I’d forgotten and left it at home. I also hadn’t fed it all day, because it never cried and reminded me.”

Mike: “What happened then?”

Me: “Dad sighed and rolled his eyes and picked up his mobile and said he’d call Michelle (because the baby was sleeping in her room anyway, not ours)…”

Mike: “Of course it was.”

Me: “… and Michelle would take care of it.”

Mike: “Did she?”

Me: “I don’t know. Because I got lost driving home, and then I woke up.”

Mike: “Where was I?”

Me: “Oh, you weren’t there.”

Mike: “Don’t worry, you’re not going to forget our baby.”

Me: “It would be sort of nice if I could – I mean, if it never cried and it was actually possible to forget about the baby for an entire day. That would be fine with me.”

Mike (laughing): “I take it back. You are going to be a terrible mother.”

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18 responses to “Terrible mother

  1. I’m still laughing! (Please tell me that’s all right!)

  2. It made me laugh! Trust me, you’ll never forget the baby 🙂

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence, Louisa! Or does that have nothing to do with me – it’s just a physical and biological impossibility?

      • I think it’s a bit of both! You may forget that the baby is in the car (but hopefully not on a hot day!) and you may just forget where you put him – but that’s not something that’s really happened to me until I had two and most times it’s just that he’s such a quiet baby he’s chilling out or sleeping somewhere.

  3. Hey Lis! Many congrats to you and Mike! The blog made me laugh too! Don’t worry, if your head forgets the baby your boobs will let you know 🙂 Are you having the baby in Australia?

    We were just in Thailand with the two kids and I thought of you guys. If Laos is anything like our experience, at least I’m sure there will be no shortage of people willing to hold/cuddle/babysit/gush over your baby when it comes!!

    • Hi Ally, great to hear from you. And you made me laugh with the line about the boobs. I’ll remember that one. Yes, I’m going to Australia sometime in mid-May and the baby will be born there hopefully in early August. Hope you guys are doing well.

  4. You know, I hate to disagree . . . but probably you WILL forget the baby. Not in a super crucial or harmful way or anything. Like maybe you’ll come home from the store, pull into the garage, unload the groceries and then fix yourself a snack. Maybe you’ll start to peruse a magazine and catch yourself thinking, “Gosh, it’s so lovely and quiet in here . . .” Then you will remember: OMG! MY CHILD IS STILL IN THE CAR! She (or, uh, he) was asleep when you pulled in and and and . . . you run out to the car, slide across the hood while screaming ZOEY! (or, you know, some other name) and land with your face pressed against the window. All the noise and the sight of your distorted face startles your child who had been sleeping. Sleeping peacefully. . . But maybe that’s just me. Except I know it’s not — this, or something like this, has happened to most moms I know. So when it happens just know you’re in good company. 🙂

  5. I’m happy to report that in 4 months of Mamadom, I’ve never forgotten Andrew. Babies are just not that easy to forget. I have, however, had several dreams that I had forgotten him. Here’s one… http://itstrivial.wordpress.com/2010/10/29/a-dream/

  6. Michelle Williams

    One of my pregnancy dreams was that I was SUCH a bad mother that my baby had to learn to TALK in order to tell me MORE CLEARLY that it was hungry and I needed to feed it. Not good 😦 But to balance out the appearance of me in your dreams, you also appeared in many of my dreams pertaining to Tahli. On our joint flight from LAX to Sydney when Tahli was 7 months old, I was REALLY appreciative of your willingness to help out, but I also had more than one dream where you got so sick of her crying on the flight that you put her in the overhead compartment – quieter and more spacious for us that way 🙂 So, um… at least you’re a , um… “problem solving” mother. Right?!

    • I remember you describing that dream and all relatives present laughing way harder than I thought was warranted, and pointing fingers at me. I felt hard done by. I still do! Although… there have been many flights where I have wanted to crawl up into the overhead compartment and make myself a little nest and stretch out, so maybe I was doing her a favour.

  7. Unfortunately for me, the dreams didn’t stop after Analise was born. I used to (and still do sometimes) dream that I was holding her in bed. I’d wake up and in my half awake state would be holding my own arm like a baby and think I still had her. Then I’d roll over and scream because I thought I’d smashed her flat as a pancake. Poor Tim woke up a few too many times to this dream. 🙂

    You’re going to be just great! I promise!

    • That’s a new one. Dreams are so weird. Last night I dreamed I was at our old house in Harare with Mike plus half my family, and there was a buffet, and I got this enormous chocolate soft serve ice cream in a chocolate cone, and they gave it to me for free because Mike was in the US army fighting in Afghanistan. I was stoked about the free ice cream and totally unconcerned by Mike’s complete change in profession.

  8. LOL funny, Lisa. Tell you what, we’ll bring OUR baby to see you, and then see if you can forget about HIM…!
    You know, they’re pretty persistent little critters!
    Love xx

  9. Pingback: 10 great gifts for pregnant women | Wandering. Wondering. Writing.

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